Posted in Reviews

Twilight: Chapter Nine

Edward answers a few more of Bella’s questions. Edward explains how his mind reading abilities work. Despite this being a rather fascinating ability that could definitely have been explored more, we cut Edward off after the briefest of explanations. Because of course, we must explore the important issues. Like Bella’s massive insecurities.

Edward explains his theory about being unable to hear Bella’s mind, and I have multiple problems with it.

“The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn’t work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I’m only getting FM.” He grinned at me, suddenly amused.

“My mind doesn’t work right? I’m a freak?” The words bothered me more than they should—probably because his speculation hit home. I’d always suspected as much and it embarrassed me to have it confirmed.

Bella, every teenager in the history of time has felt this way. It’s part of the delightful puberty package. It comes with crippling insecurity, a certain amount of body issues, and the certain belief that no one else can possibly understand you.

Other than the teen angst factor, why do you think this Bella? You’ve said it yourself in the text. There’s absolutely nothing interesting about you. We know so little about your character we can’t even say if this belief is justified. Your only interests and hobbies include;

  1. Ogle Edward
  2. Hope desperately to sit next to Edward
  3. Become depressed if Edward is not around
  4. Get into arguments with Edward
  5. Put Edward on a pedestal and complain about how you can never compare
  6. Complain about the weather.
  7. Read

 

Your identity is so wrapped up in Edward that I can’t tell where he ends and you begin. You exist mostly as an extension to him solely so that the reader can experience him through you. You’re the equivalent of a Morgan Freeman voiceover for the adventures of Edward Cullen.

This contrivance only exists to keep Edward from hearing how obnoxious and self-centered your thoughts are. And to keep him from hearing how creepily obsessed you have become with him. You really think he’d find that endearing?

You are dull as dirt Bella, be glad that Edward can’t read your mind. He’d somehow overcome vampire anatomy and fall asleep.

This is also a problem because it really is a stupid theory. If this were the case you’d expect to find more people running on the “AM frequency.” Even if the sample size is small, you’d find more people like Bella. In Midnight Sun we’re told that Charlie is somewhat harder for Edward to read. I think this was supposed to go to support the “AM” theory. It gets tossed out the window, because Midnight Sun was never published, and Edward has no problems reading Charlie’s mind in later books (that we’re aware of).

It’s glaringly obvious from the outset that Bella has a “gift” the same way that Edward, Alice, and Jasper do. Edward should be aware of the possibility at the very least. At least this explanation gives Bella a reason to be a special snowflake. But nope, we’re going to pass this off as some big shock at the end of New Moon. And then we won’t bring it up again until it becomes a plot contrivance in Breaking Dawn.

Bella avoids answering Edward’s questions for a bit by suddenly realizing how fast Edward is going.

“Holy crow!” I shouted. “Slow down!”

“What’s wrong?” He was startled. But the car didn’t decelerate.

“You’re going a hundred miles an hour!”

Case and point for the “AM frequency theory.” If this is Edward’s best explanation for why he can’t hear Bella, then why hasn’t he taken into account that there may be others with the same frequency? I mean he could turn the corner and smash into someone because he didn’t hear their thoughts. He should be acting with a lot more caution and questioning his own abilities.

Unless he’s joined Tyler in believing that vehicular manslaughter is totes the way to woo a girl?

She tells Edward that she wheedled the story about his family out of Jacob Black by flirting.

“I would liked to have seen that.” He chuckled darkly. “And you accused me of dazzling people—poor Jacob Black.”

Cause Bella is sooo pretty, geddit?

Go on Meyer, beat the poor dead horse some more.

A hard, mocking edge entered his voice. “You don’t care if I’m a monster? If I’m not human?”

“No.”

Bella, you really should care. I understand the concept of loving a person no matter what, but you really should acknowledge the fact that Edward is dangerous. To you most of all. It really should make more of an impact on you. Bella’s complete willingness to throw her life away for a man she barely knows is a big problem. It’s hard to have life and death stakes in a book where the main character cares nothing about her own life.

They have a back and forth about the whole drinking blood thing which basically goes like;

Edward: I drink blood, doesn’t that gross you out?

Bella: No. It’s animal blood so it doesn’t count. You’re not dangerous.

Edward: I’m dangerous Bella.

Bella: Lalala not listening, you’re not dangerous cause you’ve already eaten. You’re so pretty, lalala.

Edward admits to stalking Bella most of the weekend, and being anxious about her when he can’t stalk her. Bella gets angry. Not reasonable anger, about being stalked, but because he wasn’t in school.

Edward makes a completely logical argument and Bella refuses to take him seriously.

“It’s not safe. I’m dangerous Bella—please grasp that.”

“No.” I tried very hard to not look like a sulky child.

“I’m serious.” He growled.

“So am I. I told you, it doesn’t matter to me what you are. It’s too late.”

His voice whipped out. “Never say that.”

Bella, you don’t just look like a sulky child, you are a sulky child. You are refusing to take him seriously because it’s not what you want to hear. Edward’s response is perfectly valid anger that she’s willing to throw her life away when he’s tried very hard to keep her safe.

Bella cries and Edward apologizes. They agree to meet the next day to talk at lunch.

Edward drops Bella off at her house and she calls Jessica to ask her to return the coat she left in her car. Bella takes a shower and goes to bed and we get the quote that is on the back of the book before she goes to bed.

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him—and I didn’t know how potent that part might be—that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

No Bella, you are not in love with Edward. You have an unhealthy obsession with him. You know absolutely nothing about him besides the fact that he’s saved your life twice and he wants to drink your blood. The most you could have is infatuation or gratitude for what he’s done, but not love. You know ass all about love.

Alright, I’m done. I’m going to go watch YouTube videos about cats until I feel better.

 

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