Posted in Reviews

Twilight: Chapter Thirteen

His skin, white despite the faint flush from yesterday’s hunting trip, literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface.

            That’s right. Edward sparkles.

I’m sure anyone who has stumbled upon my blog by now has some knowledge about Meyerpires by now. If I’d jumped on this bandwagon shortly after the series had ended then I might have been with everyone else and ranting about this being the worst thing in the book. In hindsight, it’s actually not. It’s a silly failed attempt to create an Our Vampires Are Different situation. So instead, I’m going to talk about why you shouldn’t use science to justify your magic.

Stephanie Meyer isn’t the only person to try and do this. In order to stave off criticism a lot of authors will try to justify their magical creatures/abilities with science. It generally doesn’t work. First of all, you’re trying to justify the mystical and the often unexplainable with reasoned facts. The more reason you add in, the more you demand your reader stretch their suspension of disbelief.

What I see most often is an attempt to justify a creature’s existence through Biology. If you’re going to try this route you need to at least understand the fundamentals about what you’re talking about. This is a generalization so take it with a grain of salt, but most people inclined to take an English/writing background do not excel at or like Math/Science.

You can find fanon trying to explain away vampire biology everywhere.

I don’t buy it. This is only enough of an explanation to make us even more confused. If you go by evolution, this makes no sense. There had to have been a first vampire, or vampire like creature to infect and make others. The only saving grace for other vampire stories is that it’s magic, a curse, a reprehensible act, etc that transforms a human into a vampire. If you try to explain it with biology, you bring the process of natural selection into things. It means that vampires had to have adapted to become the way they are. How can they have done that?

Secondly vampires have no natural predators. They have a great dislike of Werewolves and shape shifters like the Quileute wolves. But these creatures don’t hunt vampires for food. Why would they have any need to adapt?

If they’re stone-like, they shouldn’t be flexible or able to move. Let alone the biological wrong done in Breaking Dawn.

If you go at this from a creationist point of view, that God, gods and goddesses, or some supernatural force created the universe, why would that being create vampires? You could make the argument that they’re not sent by a god, but demon-like creatures that were created by something evil. But then again, you’re running into the problem that vampires aren’t inherently evil.  They have choice and free will the same as a human, and after a short time, have control over the thirst so they don’t run around infecting everyone.

In short, just leave your magic as magic and don’t explain it with science later on down the road.

Bella finally gets to touch Edward.

            “I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn’t afraid.”

            “I don’t want you to be afraid.” His voice was just a soft murmur. I heard what he couldn’t truthfully say, that I didn’t need to be afraid, that there was nothing to fear.

            Okay, I know I’ve gone on for chapters now about how stupid it is for Bella to have agreed to this and that she should fear for her life, but right now there’s absolutely nothing to be afraid of, besides the fact that you’re alone with him. He’s done nothing threatening yet.

“Well that’s not exactly the fear I meant, though that’s certainly something to think about.”

            Okay…so you’re not afraid for your life. What is it that you’re afraid of then? Before we can figure that out Edward and Bella lean too close to each other and then suddenly Edward disappears. When Bella locates him again he’s across the meadow away from her. It really should scare Bella that he doesn’t trust himself to be close to her. Instead she feels guilty and apologizes for smelling good.

The smell of Bella apparently flips his switch into creepy mode and we get this.

“As if you could outrun me,” He laughed bitterly.

            He reached up with one hand and, with a deafening crack, effortlessly ripped a two-foot-thick branch from the trunk of the spruce. He balanced it in that hand for a moment, and then threw it with blinding speed, shattering it against another huge tree, which shook and trembled at the blow.

            And he was in front of me again, standing two feet away, still as stone.

            “As if you could fight me off.” He said gently.


Doesn’t that sound a bit…ah…rapey? No really, take away the fact he’s a vampire. He’s taken this girl off to a remote location, told her she’s slower, weaker, and unable to fight him off if he wanted to do something to her. It’s really, really rapey.

“Don’t be afraid.” He murmured, his velvet voice unintentionally seductive. “I promise..” He hesitated. “I swear not to hurt you.”


            Bella explains that she wants to stay with him, but can’t. Edward says that this whole thing is wrong. I agree, but I’m sure that this attack of conscious is short lived, so continue.

Edward reminds her that he’s more dangerous to her than anyone else because her blood appeals to him very strongly. It is beyond mere bloodlust.

Meyer tries to compare alcohol and drug addiction to vampire bloodlust in a bit that is very uncomfortable. Yes, substance abuse is the perfect analogy here. Nothing problematic with the connotations at all.

Edward tries to explain the difference in scent and flavor and says that most everyone is the same to Jasper. This doesn’t really make much sense to me. Arguably Jasper should have the most restraint of anyone as he has lived much longer than anyone in the family but Carlisle. Despite the change in diet, he really should have iron clad control over his urges by now. Emmett, much younger than Jasper, is implied to have better control. He ran across two people who appealed to him the way Bella appeals to Edward.

This completely contradicts what we learn about in New Moon. La tua cantante is a phenomenon in which a vampire finds a very rare person whose blood is apparently tastier than others. Emmett has been with the Cullens for 70 years and he’s found two. It shouldn’t be that common. Emmett killed both people he met.

And yet, Bella still isn’t afraid. Edward explains that it was why he hated her so much at first. Not because you know, she was belligerent, nosy, or irritating. Nope, just because she smelled good.

He tells Bella about the many times he planned to kill her and Bella still sits there, spellbound. She should be running for the hills. There is no reason she should be taking things this well.

“And for all that.” He continued. “I’d have fared better if I had exposed us all that first moment, than if now, here—with no witnesses and nothing to stop me—I were to hurt you.”


Edward listens to Bella’s heart for awhile and it apparently helps him resist the urge to kill her. Somehow.

“I’m not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?”

            “For me?” I paused. “No, never. Never before this.”

            I call bullshit. Is Bella such a social outcast that she never interacted with boys, never had a crush, never had any physical attraction to anyone ever? Because that’s what it is. Right now they’re not talking about love. Meyer is trying to get us to read between the lines of her utterly G rated novel and talk about lust. An upswing in libido based solely on the fact you find a person physically attractive. I refuse to believe Bella has never had a crush ever in her irritating existence.

Edward decides to sling Bella onto his back and run her back to her truck before dark falls. Pacing, pacing, pacing. We started this chapter in early morning. They spent a few hours hiking, and maybe just maybe a few hours in the woods. It should be early to mid afternoon, not evening by now.

So as you’d expect, traveling fast through the woods with her eyes wide open gives Bella motion sickness. Just for the sake of my mind I’m gonna add the trauma of the day to her reaction. A lot of what went down should have terrified her, and yet she reacts about as much as one would to getting hit by a wet noodle.

Edward decides to initiate the kiss of death, since Bella was all pouty about not being kissed a few chapters ago. Bella goes berserk and all but jumps him. He pulls away before he gives in to the temptation to bite her.

They argue for a bit over who gets to drive her truck home. Who cares, this chapter is finally over.  


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