Posted in Reviews

Twilight: Chapter seventeen

Edward drives Bella home. She’s looking forward to inviting him into the house and having a few uninterrupted hours of ogling him. So of course, she’s sort of pissy when she gets home and finds Billy and Jacob waiting for her in the driveway.

And now we’ve arrived at part two of Bella’s “waah adults care about my well-being, what a burden!” series. And once again, Bella is rude.

“You don’t have to leave.” I said wistfully.

Yes Bella. That’s a great idea. Put Edward in close proximity to a man who has expressed constant dislike of his family. A man who knows what he is and how dangerous being close to him can be. Ignore your guests and demand they leave so you can stare at your perfect shiny boy toy.

Then Edward pulls this stunt, knowing full well it’ll nearly give Billy an aneurism.

His eyes flickered back to the porch, and then he leaned in swiftly to kiss me just under the jaw. My heart lurched frantically, and I, too, glanced towards the porch. Billy’s face was no longer impassive, and his hands clutched at the armrests of the chair.

And this is the man we’re constantly calling polite and mature? Edward knows what that looks like to Billy. He is deliberately trying to provoke him. To scare him with the possibility of his best friend’s daughter being murdered by a vampire. And it’s a very real possibility. Didn’t he just say a few chapters ago that the smell of her throat was very tempting to him? Again, is he trying to get her killed?

This is extremely petty on Edward’s part and dangerous for Bella as well. Did you really put Bella’s life at risk to taunt an old man?

Billy has come up with the pretense of giving Charlie some fish fry. He asks where Charlie is and Bella lies and says that he has gone fishing someplace new.

Bella, what are you afraid of? You’re introducing Edward to Charlie today anyways. And let’s say that Billy did break tribal law and tell Charlie about what the Cullens are. Charlie’s not going to believe it, and it would probably cause an estrangement between them again. The only reasons you don’t want your father to know are self centered. And some of those reasons are:

  1. You don’t want rules and restrictions placed on your relationship. Even though he’s your parent and has every right to do so while you live under his roof.
  2. You don’t want him to go after Edward in the event that he or any of his family decides to snack on you. So you just want to leave your father in the dark about what happens when he finds you dead somewhere in the woods.
  3. Last but not least, you don’t want to let anyone else in because this secret relationship makes you feel special. It makes you feel so damned special to be in on a secret no one else knows. And you feel like your relationship will be so “ordinary” if everyone is made aware of it.

Grow up Bella. This sort of reasoning is so childish it’s actually kind of sickening.

Bella is incredibly rude to Billy and Jake. Her tone and body language all clearly say “get the hell out of the house.” Billy distracts Jake by telling him to go find a picture in the trunk of the car. He speaks to Bella.

His eyes narrowed. “Maybe it’s none of my business, but I don’t think that is such a good idea.”

“You’re right,” I agreed. “It is none of your business.”

It is his business  Bella. The Quileute wolves have tried to protect humans for several generations. Even though he never shifted, Billy is a part of a legacy that protects human lives. Especially yours Bella, since you’re the daughter of a dear friend. Billy is aware of the danger that you so flippantly discount. He just watched Edward ever-so-casually put you in danger. He knows you are not safe.

Your attitude concerning your relationship is completely absurd. Of course your father and family friends would want you to be with a man who is safe for you to be with. That’s why you bring your significant other home to meet family. You seek approval for your choice because you value your friends and family’s opinions. Bella does not take anyone’s opinions into account unless they align with her own.

“Just think about what you’re doing, Bella.” He urged.

“Okay.” I agreed quickly.

He frowned. “What I meant to say was, don’t do what you’re doing.”

I looked into his eyes, filled with nothing but concern for me and there was nothing I could say.

Reading between the lines, this is what the quote should actually say.

I looked into his eyes, filled with nothing but concern for me and I promptly ignored any concerns, because I know better than everyone. Including my father, my friends, and even Edward.

Bella spends the majority of her afternoon trying to pick an outfit, and then promptly gives up and wears flannel. She rushes downstairs to take a phone call.

There was only one voice I wanted to hear; anything else would be a disappointment.

Oh wow Bella. So hearing your mother’s voice would disappoint you? Your dad’s? You know that family who supports you and pays your way, enabling you to be the entitled little thing you are today?

No, it’s Jessica, and she wants to talk about the dance.

Wait. The dance? We haven’t had a mention of that damn thing in so many chapters. I could have sworn we were done with that plot point. The pacing in this book sucks.

So we get treated to more of the same. Bella is inconsiderate, and thinking nasty things about her friends.

Jessica, Mike, the dance, the school—they all seemed strangely irrelevant to me at the moment.

Bella, they’re irrelevant to you all the time and you don’t hesitate to remind us about that with your words and actions. You’re a very selfish human being and it really stuns me you have any friends at all.

So Charlie arrives home and Bella uses it as an excuse to get off the phone. Good. Bella’s dismissal of her friends and family makes me want to shove an agitated porcupine up her bunghole.

So Bella tells her father that she plans to spend the evening with the Cullens, and that she is dating Edward. Charlie overreacts slightly, because he confuses Edward for Emmet. Fair enough. He doesn’t have a whole lot of contact with the Cullen family. Certainly not enough to tell the two boys whose names both start with E apart. Hell, my sister and I both share a first initial, and my parents would routinely mix us up.

I think this whole scene was better handled in the movie. There was some light comedy around the moment, and no blow up.

Edward patronizes Charlie for a bit, and then they take a ride in a monster Jeep. Cause you know, the Cullens didn’t’ have enough cars already.

They pull off on the side of the road after awhile, and Bella freaks out about the prospect of running through the forest again.

“I haven’t forgotten the last time yet.” Could it have been only yesterday?

Yes, could it have only been yesterday? This weekend seems to be dragging on for an eternity.

Edward kisses Bella and then yells at her for overreacting like she always does.

“Damn it, Bella!” He broke off gasping. “You’ll be the death of me, I swear you will.”

Well, we can only hope. Oh, and Edward did you conveniently forget your indiscretion at the beginning of the chapter? It was only a few hours ago. You know, that point when you purposely put Bella’s life in danger to taunt Billy?

They have a tiff. Bella gets mad, and of course since Bella is always right she wins the argument. Edward apologizes and they meet the family in the clearing. Carlisle must have had a short day at the office, because he’s back from covering that other doctor’s sick day and he’s here to play baseball as well.

The vampire baseball game should be interesting, since the players all have super speed and strength. But it’s really not. Again, this is another thing that I liked better in the movies. It was gloriously over the top and cheesy, complete with a great soundtrack. Despite it being in a Twilight film, Supermassive Black Hole by Muse is still a favorite song of mine.

Apparently the sounds of their game have drawn in the vampires that Alice has been seeing in her vision. As controlling as Edward is, I’m really surprised he didn’t lock Bella away for the week while they were in town.

Must have been that pesky plot convenience that made him act so out of character.

Also, why are the  new vampires so interested in playing baseball? Really, is this a regular thing to come across? I mean the continuity of the book states that large groups of vampires gathering and staying together is uncommon.It is far more likely that you’d come across nomads, not large groups. Why would they be so excited about playing baseball? Is this something they regularly come across?

Does the Denali coven play soccer? Do the Volturi guards have rousing games of dodgeball? These are questions that must be answered.

The Cullens quibble over what to do.

“Let’s just continue the game.” Carlisle finally decided.

            No. Get the appetizing human away from human-hunting vampires.


I stated the obvious. “The others are coming now.”

            “Yes, stay very still, keep quiet, and don’t move from my side, please.” He hid the stress in his voice well, but I could hear it. He pulled my long hair forward, around my face.

            “That won’t help.” Alice said softly. “I could smell her from across the field.”

            “I know.” A hint of frustration colored his tone.

            Then why didn’t you get her out of there in the five minutes you had before they arrived? It wasn’t portrayed as even close to a five minute run with vampire speed. Edward could easily have gotten Bella out of danger, but he doesn’t. Why? Because the book needs a villain.

Yes, only seven chapters left and we’re introducing a flat, one dimensional villain. He’ll barely contribute anything to the series as a whole, and his plot will be resolved quicker than you can get your food at a takeout restaurant.

“I’m sorry, Bella.” He muttered fiercely. “It was stupid, irresponsible to expose you like this. I’m so sorry.”

Then why the hell didn’t you keep her safe and in town? Why did you bring her out to watch you play a game of baseball while there were human-hunting vampires anywhere near the area?!

Gah. I’m done. See you guys in the next review.


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s